A Lemon So Hot You Could Fry An Egg On It
by CJ - Lady of Gryffindor
Summary: A little poking fun at adult fanfiction. Language and Sexual Themes, however nowhere near an actual Lemon
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi

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A Lemon So Hot You Could Fry An Egg On It

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It was another blistering night in the Sengoku Jidai, Kagome eased her hot tired young body down into the hot spring that had appeared right next to their camp as soon as this author decided to write a lemon. 

"Ahhh, that feels so good" She said "InuYasha, you better not be peeping at me" she called out.

InuYasha stepped out from behind the brush where he wasn't watching her bathe.

"Of course I'm not peeping at you, why would I want to see an ugly girl like you naked? It's not like you are Kikyo or anything."

"Oh InuYasha…how can you say such mean things to me?" Kagome sobbed, her naked breasts heaving and making the water slosh against her hot young skin.

"Oh, Kagome, don't cry. I hate it when you cry."

"I know you hate me InuYasha, but why can't you ever pretend you like me? Even just a little?" Kagome whimpered

"Please stop crying Kagome, I really feel like a jerk when you cry."

"Good, you are a JERK" Kagome sniffled "SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT ROLLOVER SIT SIT SIT SIT PLAY DEAD SIT SIT SIT"

"You fucking bitch!"

"Oh InuYasha, why do you have to be so mean?" Kagome sobbed again, making her insanely overly large breasts jiggle like two fourth of July Jell-O molds.

"You fucking sat me bitch!"

"But, I only do it because….because.. I…"

Kagome was over come by the heat of the water, the night and the stress of the situation and she fainted in the water.

"Oh shit, Kagome fainted. I wonder if I should go and pull her out before she drowns. But she's naked, she might think I am trying to mate her. I want to mate her, but I know she can never love me because I am just a filthy disgusting hanyou and everyone who reads fan fiction knows that nobody wants a filthy disgusting hanyou. Maybe I should think about it some more…."

InuYasha thinks for a moment more.

"No, she's Kagome, she doesn't care that I am a hanyou, she will understand that I am in the water with her while she is naked because she is drowning. Kagome! I'm coming! Well, woah, bad choice of words considering she's naked and I really would like to have sex with her. I better rephrase that so she doesn't misunderstand….. I mean, I'm on my way to save you Kagome…."

Splash Splash Splash Splash

"Oh InuYasha, you saved me! Thank you!" Kagome wrapped her arms around InuYasha and hugged him tightly to her heaving wet naked breasts that were covered with hot young skin.

"Kagome you better let me go!"

"Why InuYasha?"

"Because your wet and naked I am kind of getting a boner."

'_He just doesn't want to have a boner around me because I'm not Kikyo. He'd rather have a boner over that Chia pet with tits. I'm just his jewel shard detector, I'm not good enough to get a boner over.' _Kagome thought sadly

"Oh InuYasha…Why Don't you want to get boners over me instead of Kikyo? She's just a Chia pet with tits!"

"Kagome…you think I don't get boners over you? I get boners over you all time! I thought you could never love me because I am just a filthy disgusting hanyou and everyone who reads fan fiction knows that nobody wants a filthy disgusting hanyou…much less want one to have boners over them."

"You get boners over me?"

"All the time, In the morning, mid morning, noon, mid afternoon, sometimes twice in the afternoon, around dinner time, after dinner, and all night long I have a boner over you."

"But what about Kikyo?"

"Keh, how many people you know get boners over Chia pets? Ever see a chia pet Kagome? They're ugly. Do you get hot and bothered looking at a chia pet?"

"Well now that you mention it…there was this one time…but…id rather get hot and bothered looking at you."

"Do you really mean it Kagome? Can you really love me even if I am just a filthy disgusting hanyou and everyone who reads fan fiction knows that nobody wants a filthy disgusting hanyou?"

"Of course InuYasha…I don't care that you are just a filthy disgusting hanyou."

"Oh Kagome, you've made me the happiest filthy disgusting hanyou that ever got a boner."

"InuYasha…get naked. Now. I want to see your filthy disgusting hanyou boner."

InuYasha stepped back and stripped off his clothes.

"That's it?" Kagome pointed

"That's mah boner" (think Forrest Gump)

"It's kind of …uh…."

"What bitch? filthy and disgusting ?"

"Uh…no, it actually looks rather clean…but it's just so…so…."

"Spit it out wench."

"Small."

"What the fuck do you mean small?"

"Just a damn minute here! I've been around, I've read a lot of fanfiction and in other stories you always have a MASSIVE boner."

"It ain't small bitch, it's average!"

"That is not average."

"It is so average!"

"For a gerbil maybe."

"KEH!"

"Wait just a minute, turn around."

"No, just forget it bitch. I'm getting dressed."

Kagome reached around InuYasha and grabbed his butt.

"I KNEW IT! SHIPPO YOU LITTLE FUCKING PERVERT!"

"WAAAAAAA SORRY KAGOME!!"

Shippo ran off into the bushes, Kagome slumped down into the water.

"Keh, knew it was too good to be true."

The End.

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	2. Redux The Rewrite

-Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi

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-Wasn't happy with the ending of the first version, so I redid it.

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-A Lemon So Hot You Could Fry An Egg On It 

-ReDux

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It was another blistering night in the Sengoku Jidai, Kagome eased her hot tired young body down into the hot spring that had appeared right next to their camp as soon as the author decided to write a lemon. 

"Ahhh, that feels so good" She said "InuYasha, you better not be peeping at me" she called out.

InuYasha stepped out from behind the brush where he absolutely _was not_ watching her bathe.

"Of course I'm not peeping at you, why would I want to see an ugly girl with an insanely huge beautiful rack like you naked? It's not like you are Kikyo or anything."

"Oh InuYasha…how can you say such mean things to me?" Kagome sobbed, her disgustingly huge naked breasts heaving and making the water slosh against her hot young skin.

"Oh, Kagome, don't cry. I hate when you cry. When you cry I have to think about someone besides myself for a change."

"I know you hate me InuYasha, but why can't you ever pretend you like me? Even just a little?" Kagome whimpered

"Please stop crying Kagome, I really hate having everyone think even for a minute that I might not be such a jerk when I end up being nice to you."

"Good, you are a JERK" Kagome sniffled "SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT FETCH SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SITSHAKE SIT ROLLOVER SIT SIT SIT SIT PLAYDEAD SIT SIT SIT"

"You fucking bitch!"

"Oh InuYasha, why do you have to be so mean?" Kagome sobbed again, making her insanely overly large breasts jiggle like two fourth of July Jell-O molds.

"You fucking sat me bitch!"

"But, I only do it because….because.. I…Oh woahhh"

Kagome was over come by the heat of the water, the night and the stress of the situation and she fainted in the water. Her insanely large breasts floated to the top, making her head fall back in the water.

"Oh shit, Kagome fainted. I wonder if I should go and pull her out before she drowns. But she's naked, she might think I am trying to mate her. I want to mate her, fuck, I want to mate her brains outs, who wants that dead bitch Kikyo? I aint no necrophiliac...besides, shes a fucking chia pet... Might as well dump out a plant at the shrine and and mate with the empty pot. I only use Kikyo as an excuse to keep Kagome away...She's... Kagome is sweet and warm...but I know she can never love me because I am just a filthy disgusting hanyou and everyone who reads fan fiction knows that nobody wants a filthy disgusting hanyou. Maybe I should think about it some more…."

InuYasha thinks for a moment more.

"No, she's Kagome, she doesn't care that I am a hanyou, she will understand that I am in the water with her while she is naked because she is drowning. Oh shit! Shes still fucking drowning and I almost forgot, I got so busy thinking about myself again...Kagome! I'm coming! ..."

InuYasha stopped

"Woah, bad choice of words considering she's naked and I really would like to have sex with her. I better rephrase that so she doesn't misunderstand….. I mean, I'm on my way to save you Kagome…."

Splash Splash Splash Splash

"Oh InuYasha, you saved me! Thank you!" Kagome wrapped her arms around InuYasha and hugged him tightly to her heaving wet naked breasts that were covered with hot young skin.

"Kagome you better let me go!"

"Why InuYasha?"

"Because your wet and naked I am getting one HELL of a boner."

'_He just doesn't want to have a boner around me because I'm not Kikyo. He'd rather have a boner over that Chia pet with tits. I'm just his jewel shard detector, I'm not good enough to get a boner over.' _Kagome thought sadly

"Oh InuYasha…Why don't you want to get boners over me instead of Kikyo? She's just a Chia pet with tits!"

"Kagome…you think I don't get boners over you? I get boners over you all time! I thought you could never love me because I am just a filthy disgusting hanyou... everyone who reads fan fiction knows that nobody wants a filthy disgusting hanyou…much less want one to have boners over them."

"You mean you do get boners over me?"

"All the time, In the morning, mid morning, noon, mid afternoon, sometimes twice in the afternoon, around dinner time, usually during dinner, after dinner, when I secretly spy on you while you bathe every night...and all night long I have a boner over you."

"But... what about Kikyo?"

"Kikyo can't get boners."

Kagome rolled her eyes, he really was kind of stupid sometimes.

"But do you get boners over her?"

"Keh, how many people do you know that get boners over Chia pets? Ever see a chia pet Kagome? They're ugly. Do you get hot and bothered looking at a chia pet?"

"Well, Hojo, and there's that guy in my health class…but...you really have a boner over me InuYasha?"

InuYasha nodded shyly "Do you...ever get...you know..."

"I always get hot and bothered looking at you."

"Really?"

"All the time, it's doesn't matter what your doing, I even get hot and bothered when I am watching you threaten to shove Tessiaga up someones ass."

"Do you really mean it Kagome? Can you really love me even if I am just a filthy disgusting hanyou and everyone who reads fan fiction knows that nobody wants a filthy disgusting hanyou?"

"Of course InuYasha…I don't care that you are just a filthy disgusting hanyou."

"Oh Kagome, you've made me the happiest filthy disgusting hanyou that ever got a boner."

"InuYasha…get naked. Please...right now. I want to see your filthy disgusting hanyou boner."

InuYasha stepped back and stripped off his clothes.

"That's it?" Kagome pointed

InuYasha smirked a little with Hanyou pride

"That's mah boner" (think Forrest Gump)

"Your manhood...is rather...uh... kind of …uh…."

"I know...it's a filthy and disgusting hanyou boner."

"Uh…no, it actually looks rather clean…but it's just so…so…."

"Spit it out wench."

"Your manhood is rather small."

"What the fuck do you mean small bitch?"

"Hey, wait a minute! I've been around, I've read a lot of fanfiction and in other stories and they always say you have MASSIVE INSANELY HUGE MANHOOD, Nearly InuHUMAN, sometimes I even wonder if it will even fit! Why am I getting the short end of the stick?" (pun definately intended)

"My manhood ain't small bitch, it's average!"

Kagome pointed at InuYasha's penis "That manhood is not average."

"Is so!"

"For a gerbil maybe."

"KEH!"

Suspicion clouded Kagome's eyes. Something strange was going on.

"Wait a minute, turn around."

"Just forget it bitch. I'm getting dressed."

Kagome reached around InuYasha and grabbed his butt. Her hand grasped a full bushy tail.

"I KNEW IT! SHIPPO YOU LITTLE PERVERT!"

"WAAAAAAA SORRY KAGOME, MIROKU DARED ME !!!! HE PROMISED ME HIS LAST BOX OF POCKY!!!!!"

Shippo ran off into the bushes and Kagome slumped down into the water.

"I knew it was too good to be true."

Up in the tree InuYasha glanced down at his Hakema to the massive bump in front, decided now was definately not the best time to make his presense, or feelings known. Carefully laid plans now shot to shit, he jumped out of the tree and went to find a private place in the woods...again.

When he was done he was killing that damn houshi and kitsune for ruining his plans to claim the miko.

The End.


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